J. R. R. Tolkien vs George R. R. Martin. Epic Rap Battles of History. Season 5 - playithub.net
Published: 10 months ago By: ERB
By: ERBPublished: 10 months ago
375, 436 Likes 3, 594 Dislikes
Download this song ► http://hyperurl.co/Tolkien-vs-Martin ◄
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▼ CAST ▼
George R. R. Martin: EpicLLOYD
J. R. R. Tolkien: Nice Peter
John Bonham, John Paul Jones & Jimmy Page: Dante Cimadamore
Human Warrior & Orc: Joey Greer
Hodor: Ricky Mammone
Jon Snow: Rudy Fermin
Khaleesi: Ceciley Jenkins
Elves: Sulai Lopez & Shaun Lewin
▼ CREW ▼
Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist
EpicLLOYD, Nice Peter, Mike Bettete, Zach Sherwin, Dante Cimadamore and Samantha Kellie
Senior Director of Studios:
Song Produced by:
Nice Peter & Jose ""Choco"" Reynoso
Nice Peter and Jose ""Choco"" Reynoso
Beat Produced by:
Video Editing by:
Andrew Sherman, Ryan Moulton and Nice Peter
VFX and Compositing:
Andrew Sherman and Ryan Moulton
Javier Sánchez-Blanco Boyer
Director of Photography:
Costume Designer/Art Director:
Department Make Up Head:
Tara Lang & Ashlyn McIntyre
Asst. Make Up:
Yev Belilovskiy & Andy Chinn
Atoki Ileka & Edrei Hutson
Atul Singh for Maker Studios
▼ LINKS ▼
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN!
[Verse 1: George R. R. Martin]
Gather up your trolls and your soldier Elves!
And your Ents and your Orcs and your Wargs and your Stings
Your Dwarves and Glamdrings
Cause there's a new literary Lord in the Ring!
My readers fall in love with every character I've written
Then I kill 'em (Aaaahhhh!) They're like 'No! He didn't!'
All your bad guys die, and your good guys survive!
We can tell what's gonna happen by page and age five!
Tell your all-seeing eye to find some sex in your movies (Yeah)
Ditch the Goonie, and cast a couple boobies!
There’s edgier plots in that David the Gnome
Your Hobbit-hole heroes can’t handle my throne
[Verse 2: J.R.R. Tolkien]
Kings, queens, dragons, dwarves
Horses, fortresses, magic and swords
You Hob-bit my whole shit, you uninspired hack
You want a war, George? Welcome to Shire-raq!
In book sales you’ve got nothing to say
I’m number one and two, you’re under Fifty Shades of Grey
I’ve got the prose of a pro, your shit’s subpar
You’re a pirate, you even stole my "R.R."
Oh, we all know the world is full of chance and anarchy
So yes, it’s true-to-life for characters to die randomly
But news flash, the genre’s called fantasy
It’s meant to be unrealistic, you myopic manatee
[Verse 3: George R.R. Martin]
I conscientiously object to what you’re doing on these beats
I’ll cut you like my teeth on Beauty and the Beast
You went too deep, Professor Tweed Pants
We don’t need the backstory on every fucking tree branch
[Verse 4: J.R.R. Tolkien]
I cut my teeth in the trenches of the Somme
You LARPed your Santa Claus ass through Vietnam
Man, it’s hard for me to take criticism on clothes
From a dude who sends a raven to say "Hi" to his toes
[Verse 5: George R.R. Martin]
Man, your fat jokes are worse than your pipe smoke
My show’s the hottest thing on H-B-O!
I’m rock and roll, you’re a nerdy little nebbish
And I may be dirty, but you got a hairy foot fetish, dawg
Even the names of your characters suck
You got Boffers and Bofurs and Brandybucks
I got a second breakfast for all them goofy fucks
Lift up my gut and tea-Baggins my nuts
[Verse 6: J.R.R. Tolkien]
C. S. Lewis and I were just discussing
How you and Jon Snow... both know nothing!
Because the backstory of my box office is billions
Got my children making millions off my Silmarillions
And I’m more rock and roll than you’ve ever been
Don’t believe me? Ask Led Zeppelin
You can’t reach this Fellow, shit, I’m Two Towering
(Ooh) Every time I battle, it’s Return of the King
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
SHARE THE LYRICS
Who is the better writer? tolkien invented several languages and created the high fantasy, even after about 100 years his books are beein read.
who would rap better? tolkien was language professor, with some time he would craft an rap unseen to this day
I have to respect those puns.
i think my 2nd best is eastern vs western philosophers